It’s Shady

There are days I want to curl into a ball and cry.  There are days I actually do. At times I feel as if the whole world is against me.  I feel lost. A boat with no anchor .There are days I want to disappear. A clean slate. I write not because I need pity or understanding. 

I write this to all those who feel alone. Those who feel like they can’t get a break. Those who only the belief in a higher deity who loves them beyond reproach keeps them going. Those that believe that everyday is anew day even if it will hold the miseries of yesterday. 

I am afraid. It’s hard to accept but at times saying it yourself makes it better.I am afraid of saying my thoughts only to feel the brunt of backlash. The narrow mindedness. I am afraid of being alone and yet not being alone.  

I miss home yet I will not go.  I understand I need to make my own home. My own. Place where I belong. Where no matter what… I know it’s home. Where I won’t have t  worry if I am stressing the parents. 

This is to let you know you are not alone.  Know it’s challenge many face. I think it is part of growing up. That point in life where you realise you are alone. That you can’t always fall back on mum and dad. 

The fear of failure. The fear of getting a mediocre job and not being ‘cool’. I am officially antisocial. I am who I am. Judge me now or take me as I am. You don’t matter anymore. 

The minute you stop worrying about others is the minute you focus on your own success. Life is shady. Deal with it. 

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