I give up on feminism. Yes, I give up – I am tired .No! This is not a suicide note (I love life-just not my life at the moment) A couple of hours ago I did a math paper, one of many. As I sat there alone with just my paper, pen and the CRAMMERS RULE glaring at my face I realise it is not worth it. I knew nothing in that paper not even, what I thought I knew even jacobian (trust me when I say I was a pro at this prior to the exam). These are the times I am very willing to be those traditional women who clean, bake, and all that *isht. How did I get here?
The results were out! Us Kaimenyi babies were now safe from the famous Y’s and X’s. The big deal was now course revision, which we were paying to do *sighs. There I was- so young, so naïve , ready to tackle campus .The stories I had heard, the freedom, the relaxation (which is all true- up until you get to the exam room and it annihilates you). As the teachers still say “if you pass in high school and get to go to university you won’t have the stress you have now” (in school) . Naively, I believed them – look where it got me! They never mentioned resits-ever!
I am good at many things math is not one of them! Considering I claim to know myself very well , one wonders how I got to the situation I am in ?I have no idea what I thought economics was, but it was not this numerical, well not completely, I thought I would be counting cash and making billions theoretically! I did research and it looked creamy.
I proudly selected Economics with IT at Maseno University (A new county a new journey) and off I went.
Traditional women: They have it easy: No worrying about exams, employment, no worrying about being too smart- you scare off men or simply being lonely for the rest of their lives for not settling early! Simply being dumped for having too much on their plate or for being too liberal: All they have to worry about is their house and their man or whether mama nani has been eye raping baba nani too much plus they get THE D . I know it is easy to admire another’s shoe even though you know not what pebble is within, but with where I am headed, it looks very tempting.
I did say, I am giving up on feminism therefore don’t you dare go “A good man won’t get intimidated by your success”. BITCH PLEASE! I am in Africa; men here are another whole breed! I mean people here are still very chauvinistic. Why does shame and secrecy (I am not saying you do it in public) have to attach to something every red-blooded human being needs! Heck even the pope has a bonner in the morning (LORD FORGIVE ME) but science says so! I went off topic for a while there.*eye roll.
Then the idea of poverty crosses my mind and I am back to it all began-trying to build me a future (I do hope it works out though) but that paper messed me up! Praise the lord it’s Friday and the day is still young I may salvage what is left of the week. In addition, on Friday all that is running through my head is “where is the squad at!”
#note to self –study for Monday’s exam!