THAT HOLLOW FEELING

That hollow feeling,

The feeling of being empty

Beliefs being stripped away

Colour fading to a bleak white and black

It is a bleak night tonight. Thinking of the  mass I attended sunday morning . I feel hollow not because of the mass itself but of how an acquaitances opinion affected mine.

He ripped through my bubble of firm christian beliefs ,stripping away faith inch by inch . I should have run and not listened but the only alternative was to jump out of a moving car in Siaya .

I will not repeat his word for they shook my faith in ways that I wish no one ever does again . I find myself kneeling and begging God to restore my faith.

Repenting for a sin I do not understand

I feel guilty for actually relating to his words

My mother would call a priest if I uttered such blasphemy in her presence .

No! I am not one of blind faith and neither is my family . 

What is there with out faith? Without belief in something bigger?

It is bleak existence in which I do not wish to experience yet I have . I do not know how I will get back to that point in which the world was a rainbow of colour but I do hope I do!

Anger 

I feel it in my bones

The mechanical thinking destroying all imagination 

I choose to believe in something bigger than me ! I would rather wear coloured glasses than see nothing but a bleak sterile white and black!

Goodnight world

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